The times, they have been bleak lately. I actually said out loud, twice recently, I feel dead inside. This was in jest, of course, in the taste of unfiltered dark humor, but there's always an underlying truth to what we say. It can be attributed to things, I suppose, if I wanted it to be. The life of … Continue reading Dead Inside?
Do we all feel things so deeply? To the core of our being, in a way that encompasses every waking thought, infiltrates dreams; things that become a thread in the fabric of who we are? Or is that just those of us with massive anxiety and a propensity for overthinking? Recently, my father gave my … Continue reading Bullet Holes and Other Things
Yesterday, I was talking to a friend of mine. She is someone who could not be more different than me and yet, somewhere in the years of knowing each other, we bonded. I distinctly remember facetiming her just a day after PC left, and I distinctly remember standing in her kitchen days later as she … Continue reading Rock Bottom, Chapter 500
When this blog was born, it was at first simply an outlet. It was never intended to be more than just a journal of sorts, a way to get all of my feelings into a concrete structure of words strung together. When I flip back to the beginning, I am equal parts reminded how desolate … Continue reading Two Years
At least I'm free. That's what everyone tells me. Its what everyone has said from the beginning, but you're free of him. Everyone: family, friends, strangers. Internet friends. Myself. I have said and written those words again and again and again. Freedom. And yet, freedom comes with a hefty price tag. For starters, I am not free from … Continue reading Freedom…Just Another Word?
As often when a post starts formulating in my mind, I search for a quote to go with it. Words begin to swim like a beautiful disaster that I can't quite pinpoint...the picture I want to make stays as individual colors on a palate next to a blank canvas that I can't quite begin. At … Continue reading Show Me Who You Are
I'm still waiting for a moment...an epiphany. A point in time that's going to come when it all makes sense. When all of the lessons I am supposed to learn will be obvious, when the things I crave and desire will be right in front of me instead of floating in an abyss far away. … Continue reading Mental Power
Once upon a time, many years ago, there was a little girl. And inside of herself, she knew that she was great, and she was strong, and she was smarter and more creative than most people. This was reinforced to her verbally, by her parents and other adults, but the world at large told a … Continue reading The Great Divide
It becomes apparent, when dealing with a narcissist--whether married, divorced, related...whatever--that there are certain themes that resonate. Certain pieces of scenery along the journey seem to come up again and again, as if walking down a path and experiencing deja vu with a dose of Alice in Wonderland. After all, narcissists are mad and sometimes, … Continue reading The Simple Answer
Well folks, after a long hiatus of thinking I know what the hell I'm doing, I'm back in therapy. And by "back in therapy" I mean I spent one hour with a therapist under the intention of trying to learn how to parent my children, who are struggling thanks to PC and his diabolical ways. … Continue reading Safe