For those of you who have followed this tale, from the early days of being broken and lost, it should be apparent that this journey–divorcing a narcissist–is not a straight line. Its more of a quest for some sort of peace, and the course covers terrain that challenges every aspect of oneself. Quite frankly, the fact that the catalyst that ended our marriage was PC cheating is sort of…null and void. Of all the betrayals, that one isn’t the worst.
Its been an uphill climb, not just to reclaim myself, but to fight against PC. To be in battle with someone with no morals, no compassion, no empathy. With someone who hates you, unjustly. With someone who will stoop to the lowest levels to obtain what he wants. Then, you throw in the legal system which is, at its fastest, tortoise-paced.
For months, I’ve been told “document everything”. Every text, every interaction, everything. Over a year, I’ve accumulated upwards of 200 text conversations and a log that is now a 175 page word document. Its become apparent that, although I share this with my lawyer and at certain points, other people, no one is or has taken the time to really delve into it. To really understand that these incidents, which individually significant, are nothing compared to the vast picture when you string them all together. When you realize that its constant, daily, and never-ending. When you live it.
I’ve been told that he can’t do this forever, keep documenting, karma will get him, blah blah blah. We were ordered to do co-parent counseling, and our first joint session just occurred. I left it feeling both battered and hopeful…surely, she must have seen his behavior. Surely, she must have felt the utter frustration on my part. Being a professional, she had to have sensed the underlying abusive and threatening nature to his words, his body language, and his utter disrespect towards me. I had printed and shared with her portions of my log, examples of texts, and my own verbal assessment in a private session. Still. She must see vile ex-couples all the time. And her goal, of course, is to get us to a point of communicating in the best interest of our kids.
PC opened the counseling session with a bang, of course, smacking down papers onto the chair between us and announcing he was suing me for custody. The counselor assured him that there was 0% chance the court would modify it at this point…but PC did not care. My lawyer assured me the same, and stated that our hearing was a “non-event”. I went into it feeling confident with 99% of my being, and nervous with 1%. I looked PC right in the eye as he walked past me. Or, I tried to. Thing about him is, he’s a pussy. Much of his threatening behavior happens behind the safety of a screen.
And then. Our case was thrown out based on a recommendation written by counselor. Who is my new favorite person. Who finally, finally, verbalized in an official capacity what I have been saying, documenting, and pleading someone to understand for months.
She stated that PC’s treatment of me was disrespectful, degrading, and insulting. She listed numerous examples of both his treatment of me and his defiance towards her and the counseling process. She elaborated that he refused to communicate in civil manner or even attempt to try. She ended her later with the professional perspective that he suffers from a personality disorder and that his motivations are vindictive.
And the best part of all of this? I had nothing to do with it. PC filed for custody (likely against his lawyer’s advice). PC did not drop the case, despite being told that it was a null and void point. PC tried in vain to get me to agree to giving him more custody, to sign the divorce papers, to do this or do that…with the promise that he would “drop the custody case” if I did so. He went as far as to call my parents to ask them to “talk to your daughter so we can all avoid court”. My father, a wise man, told him “Nah. I think we’ll see what happens in court.”
Had PC not done this, that letter would not have been written (at least not at this point.) Had PC not done this, I would not have had this huge bonus handed to me in that I likely have a case for filing for more custody. There is a saying that you can give someone enough rope and they’ll hang themselves but man, that is hard to do. So many times I’ve wanted to sky write what an asshole he is. I’ve wanted to post on social media the things he says and does, print out all his verbally abusive texts and mail them to his mother, invite his girlfriend over for coffee and really lay it out on the table what a piece of shit he is. I’ve wanted (though I will not) to explain to my sweet, intense, intelligent boy child that there is no reason why Dad lies except that he’s a motherfucking fucker.
But there is no point. And I will admit…yesterday was the single most validating day since this began, and it was worth the wait. It was worth dealing with PC, waiting for a contempt hearing, waiting for the court ordered counseling (while still dealing with PC repeatedly being in contempt) and sitting through his verbal ambush. It was worth waiting for a slightly nerve-wracking weeks until court. It was worth all of that to finally, finally have the truth recognized in an official, legal capacity. And in all of that time, PC has continued to show his true colors…everywhere, all over, like some sort of rainbow of toxic chemicals.